Monday, June 1, 2009

Not just the NY Post

I don't only read the NY Post and write scathing criticism on the articles-- my extensive criticism extends to all corners of the internet. When I'm not reading the laughable writing in the NY Post I'm watching the arguably mundane and silly pornographic material that you can find on Spankwire dot com. After all- no one loves me so I have to masturbate to make my existence somewhat pleasurable.

Here are some of the better comments I've made on Spankwire:

"At 3:24 it's very laughable how much she is "enjoying" giving this man a blow job. His penis does not exceed anyone's expectations." --I hope Jenna Jameson reads this critique and quits her shameful career forever.

"Well JeremyDick, its sad that you have to sit and comment on porn all day-- If you really could get a girl like that, why aren't you with her? I'm not with a girl because no one can stand my company, and they shouldn't because I'm so much better than everyone" --Enough said about that piece of drivel.

"The entrance of the pizza man was a laughable affront to acting. Meisner would be ashamed." -- Made me puke.

"Seriously Spankwire, whoever wrote this script needs to go back to his job filing papers and serving fries. I know you don't need to be a Charles Dickens-- but this is truly making the Bard roll in his grave. 'I've been a naughty girl'? Surely this didn't need to be written if the performances had the slightest bit of subtlety." --I couldn't maintain an erection during this "student film." Truly an affront to all things in the English language.

I'm so so lonely.

What does DeltaKite means?

I get a lot of illiterate snots who try to catch me about my avatar name. They claim that DeltaKite is just a kite.

Wrong-- you mundane cretan. DeltaKite means greatness -- It means extremely literate -- it means glory -- it means writing with an excessive amounts of hyphens.

I write with an excessive amount of hyphens.

Men want to be me and women want to ALSO BE ME!


I was commissioned to write a novel because of my clever writing quips.

That's right-- I was commissioned to write a novel because I'm obviously the best writer around. I call it:

Well, lucky reader, you're reading the best writing around

Essentially its just me making fun of the reader and than talking about how great I am.

A little snippet:

You know who's great? Me. The Author. Cause I wrote this.
You know who's an inane spouter of dribble and waste products? You. The Reader. The smartest thing you have ever done was purchase a book by me. The Glorious DeltaKite.

I sent it to Harper Collins-- they haven't really commissioned it-- but I'm so great how could they not.

I don't understand how anyone but me can sleep at night.

DeltaKite forever.

I am better than the rest on the NY Post

That's right. I'm probably the best writer the New York Post has to offer-- and guess what?! I don't even work for them. That's correct- I only comment on other's posts and am somehow more talented than every single writer they have. Look at some of my insanely precise and pinpoint comments:

"you are too trivial to engage. I'll just mock you instead." - Priceless.

"Yes, James Sexton, reading a novel should really help one "face facts."
Fiction isn't fact, genius. It's just a book.
Do you sleep with the lights on, too?
Grow up." - This is probably one of my best comments. I really made James Sexton feel like a loser. I can sleep at night knowing that I've lived a fulfilling life.

"Joel, Manny Ramirez plays in the NL--he's not a DH (yes, he's a cheater.) Adding him to this piece was nonsensical." - Sometimes the things that Joel says in the comments sections make me so insanely angry. He is the most nonsensical person in existence. I said it. Just pure nonsensical drivel.

"Godless, you like the word "neocon" because you're a f#@%*&$ idiot." - I'm too talented to use swear words, but not above using silly characters to replace letters. S%$#%$#%@^%%#!@$%$. See what I mean.

Read the rest here.

Everyone wants to be me.